"...a violent event controlled by political cowards."
They didn't think they were cowards. I imagine they thought what they were doing was their only recourse. Backed into a corner, options running out. Maybe that does make their actions cowardly. They were certainly afraid. Fear is a great motivator. I wasn't much afraid myself, being as far from the violence as I was. I'm not very motivated, coincidentally. Or not coincidentally.
I decided to frighten myself. To do something rash, to feel fear. To motivate myself. What I was motivating myself to do, I wasn't sure. I didn't much think it through, to be honest. I figured it would work itself out. Fear would motivate me to act in some manner that would be beneficial to myself.
It sounds silly to put it that way. It makes it seem like I didn't know what I was doing. Which is true, but who wants to acknowledge they're flying blind? Just put your head down and proceed. Pretend like you know what's happening, and things will work out for the better.
Unfortunately it doesn't always work out. It certainly didn't in this case, which I probably could have predicted if I had given it more than a moment's thought.
I never thought I could hurt so many people. I mean, the results astounded me. How could it do such terrible damage? I underestimated everything except my own abilities.
